Could birth of Jesus be the real reason behind economic recession

Its been blamed on Housing Crisis. Its been blamed on our the colossally lavish and profligate lifestyle. Its been blamed on the very foundations of capitalism and free market economy work. Despite the amount of research and efforts put into finding the reasons, we are still no less farther from finding the truth then we were at the advent of global recession. But things may be taking a turn for the better, if a not-so-well-known Indian economist is to be believed.

Meet XXXX XXXXX (who did not want to be named and did not want to fake-named either), an unknown Indian whom you may meet walking in the street and wonder, “who the hell is he,” and walk away without bothering to answer your own question. Yes, this very XXXX XXXXX, has come up with the theory that could shake up the foundations of modern economics to the very core.

Here is XXXX XXXXX explaining in his own words, his theory:

“Right from the childhood, I had a feeling that somehow somewhere there is a problem with the current economic order. I mean I remember at the age of 6, asking the question to my father, ‘How will the mixed economy of India fare against the free market economies of the world?’ Even though the term ‘free market’ itself was unknown then, but I could see it coming in a few years time. My father was perplexed to say the least. But he always encouraged my questions, even though he could not answer them. At the age of 8 years, I asked him, ‘What will happen when the now iridescent surface of housing bubble goes burst, for no boom lasts forever, how will the global-macro-economy cope up with the calamity?’ My father brushed aside the question, with a flick of his hand. I kept quiet, but deep down in my heart, I knew, there was something wrong with the very foundations of world economy.”

“Throughout my adolescence and even afterwards, one thing that constantly gnawed at my heart with all its canine prowess was the question, ‘What is wrong with the world economy?’ I sat hours on an end, lost, immersed deeply in thought, gazing out of the window into the empty oblivion, looking out for reasons for this malady facing the world economy. The more I pondered over it, the more I realized that it has to be something really basic, something really trivial, something that has been overlooked for centuries and centuries. And not only that, to remain concealed from the inquisitive eyes of the great economists, it has to be something that has been hailed as a major milestone in the history of human civilization as a whole. Just then, I knew that something was within my grasp, just within the grab of my fingers, but was slipping from my hands right at the moment I felt I have got it, as if my hands were greased. Then about six months back it hit upon me, and I could see it as clear as one would see a pyramid crystal striking at the bridge of one's nasal cavity.”

“The reason was the birth of Jesus Christ. Anybody who does a little free thinking over the problems facing free market economy will come to the same conclusion. Take for instance housing crisis. Housing crisis arose because of tendency of humans to seek a dwelling of their own. This tendency, innocuous though it seems, is the primary cause of current financial crisis and is a direct consequence of the descent of the Son of God, Jesus Christ, upon earth. Christian teachings, of never asking an eye in return for an eye and giving the other cheek away, have made humans crave out for safe abodes where they can live in peace and harmony with their neighbors, happily ever after. In the good old days, man was content to cudgel his neighbors or mince into raw meat his opponents. Consequently the desire for having a safe heaven to rest idle did not arise. Hence, there were no houses and consequently no housing crisis or global depressions.”

“In summary, the human civilization would have lived without any economic depression for ten's of thousand years to come, if only the Son of God, Jesus Christ had not decided one fine day to descend to mother earth and to deprive a virgin maiden of the opportunity of getting pregnant by good old means of penetration of her vulva by a throbbing manhood. That is not to blame the great Jesus Christ, we all so love him.”

Economic slowdown hits terrorism

OLD DELHI: Economic slowdown and especially the recent fall in tourism has hit terrorism badly in the country, according to DHP Chamber of Terrorism and Extremism.

“Even though the attacks in hotels and railway station in Mumbai, seems to suggest a rise in terrorism. But evidence exists which proves to the contrary. In fact, terrorism will fall by 25 to 30 per cent this year,” warns DHP Chamber in a report submitted to Central Government on impact of slowdown in economy and tourism on terrorism in India.

Stating that there had been a substantial fall in terrorism, PHD Chamber assessed chances of terrorist strike on any major city in India to be very grim for the coming few months. “In October last year, there was a mere 1.8 per cent rise in number of terrorist attacks in India over the corresponding figure of October 2007. In comparison, the increase in foreign terrorist incidents in October 2007, compared to the same month in 2006, was 13.6 per cent. Increase in the number of cancellations in terrorist strikes is mainly due to economic slowdown and the generally prevailing atmosphere of distrust.”

The report quotes a terrorist named Al Wahidi, “Two years before a call for Jihad in some commonplace poster or even some graffiti on public lavatories would have attracted a thousand strong contingent of Jihadi warriors. But now advertisements placed in leading national newspapers don't fetch more than a handful. The reason is,” Al Wahidi goes on to say, “the reluctance of Arab Sheikhs and Mullas to invest in Jihad. Everybody seems to hold his cards close to his chest. The atmosphere of mistrust and fear is so intense that even big players are desisting from getting their hands wet.”

The report also reveals that during September to December last year recession has actually caused the cancellation of terrorist strikes by 30 to 40 per cent. “Demand for terrorist attacks is down, basically Arab Sheikhs have been badly affected by recession. Major terrorism destination states like JK, Delhi, UP, Maharastra, Karnatka and Gujrat have seen 20 to 25 per cent drop in terrorist activities.”

Reacting to the report, Home Minister, P. Chidambaram said, “India should be prepared for temporary slowdown on terrorism, but important think to realize is that our fundamentals are quite strong, and once global situation stablizes, terrorism in India will again return to the growth trajectory of 8 to 9 percent. Another important thing to note is that under the present UPA regime, terrorism in India, for the first time has been able to sustain a growth rate of nine per cent or more over a period of three years.”

He further went on to say, “There has been a marked change in the way the terrorism in India is viewed both within and outside the country. The whole world now recognizes India as a major terrorist destination. This is a major achievement for not only UPA Government but also for the whole of India.” He further reiterated, “Terrorism in India will weather the storm of global economic meltdown. The authorities in the US and Europe have taken a number of bold and unconventional steps in order to stabilise the financial situation. We hope that their efforts will succeed and terrorism will reach its crescendo again.”

Terrorism is good for the economy

The 30-Share Bombay Stock Exchange Sensitive Index (BSE Sensex) fell by 252.85 points to 8839.87. This in stark contrast Friday's rise of 80 points, what many believe, confirms hypothesis that the War on Terror is bad for the Economy. Many experts are already calling for a restraint in our efforts to combat terror and some are even suggesting abandoning of such endeavors altogether.

The hypothesis that wars lead to economic growth is nothing new. Ever since the Science of Economy has taken over the burden of explaining economic phenomenon, we have seen book after book smeared with words, sentences, paragraphs and pages dedicated to explaining the relationships between wars and economy. One particular example is the global economic crisis of 1929, which was followed by WW2. Post WW2 we have seen sustained and unprecedented economic growth, which indeed has been fueled by other wars that have taken place over the second half of the last century as well. This apparent close nexus between wars and economic growth has been, as some economists claim it, the cornerstone of modern capitalism.

Now some experts argue that Global War on Terror is just another War, and failure of Global War on Terror to give impetus to global economy is an indication that the two, viz. War and Economy, are not interlinked. But still some other experts argue that, War on Terror apart from a few friendly fires here and there and a few rogue missiles treating children's nurseries as terrorist camps, is essentially about eliminating violence and restoring peace. This apparently ulterior motive of War on Terror forestalls any advantages that might have been yielded to the economy. So these other experts continue to argue that War on Terror is not the same as any other war and two are very different both in character and final impact on the economy.

A further impetus to the hypothesis is the Global Recession that some experts claim has been a direct result of Global War on Terror initiated by US and in which India is an active partner along with a host of other countries. Experts further claim that the Greater the War on Terror the greater is the damage to the economy. Similarly, greater the extent of War on Terror, greater is still the extent to which impact can be felt adversaly on the economy. If these experts are to be believed monday's fall at the BSE is nothing but just another attestation of this hypothesis.

Professor D. Rangarajan from War and Economic Studies Department, of IIIIIWET, says, and we quote, “On Friday, while terrorist attack was on, we saw a rise on stocks at the BSE, and on Monday when this so-called “battle” against terrorism was won the trends were reversed. Now it is well established fact that Stock-markets are the barometer of success of any economy. So the facts speak for themselves. It is high time that the relevant authorities, and now that the same person holds both Finance ministry and Home ministry this should be relatively easy, take notice and the so-called War on Terror if not put on halt, at least curbed to the extent that it does not in any way hinder the growth of economy.”

From our side, we can only add that, if the words of these eminent and renowned economists are to be believed, authorities should pay heed to these voices and take the steps necessary (or rather not take unnecessary steps in this case :) to ensure proper growth of the economy.